Bring it on

So, I know that as a woman (and even more so as a Mom), we have at least a dozen things we're thinking about, planning, analyzing, prioritizing or all of the above in our heads at any given time. Tonight is no different. In fact, it has taken me two days now to figure out how to type the first sentence of today's post, because I feel pulled in so many directions (mentally not physically). Do you ever have that experience where your head is so full that your body actually feels numb (so you just sit on the couch with a vacant stare and pig out on veggie straws from Costco while not really watching trashy reality tv)? Is it just me?!

I have a lot on my mind. After the craziness of this past week in Boston (and all over the country), Caden taking years off of my life with his new fear-nothing attitude, dealing with yet another demonstration of love and respect from my oh-so-supportive in-laws (insert heavy, painful sarcasm here - wish I knew what love and support was like from them), doubting whether or not I'm truly succeeding at being the best mom I can be, and feeling helpless as I try to figure out how to support and show love for a very dear friend --- my head and heart are in overdrive (and I'm ready to slam on the brakes)!

I know I'm not alone in this feeling. There are people across the world (and probably even down the street) with much bigger and/or far more serious issues than mine. Truth be told, my issues and concerns are very minuscule compared to many of my friends, acquaintances and those who I don't even know personally, but pray for often. Come to think of it, I feel selfish for even feeling overwhelmed right now (get it together, self!)...

All these scattered (and annoying) thoughts make me again start to wonder why exactly each one of us is dealt the cards we're dealt in life. I've wondered that since I was a not-so-popular and pretty different catholic grade-school kid. I'd come home crying and lock myself in my room talking out loud to the big guy (or gal) and asking, "Why me? What are you trying to show me? Why am I being tested so much?" It hurt a lot as an awkward pre-teen just trying to figure out my path, but I'll tell you what... I know now it made me stronger as a person, more aware as a parent and infinitely more accepting as a human being. I don't wish any of that angst on my boys as they grow up, but if it happens, I know I can't completely shelter them from the pain, because there are life lessons in pain (although they hurt like hell), and there are revelations that happen once the tears dry up a little.

As an adult now, I still find myself talking to the big guy (or gal!) and asking why challenging, life-altering things happen to the best people sometimes. "Why are you testing the people who seem to keep you the closest?" I sure as heck don't have that answer (if I did I'd be very rich). I can't help but to think that it may be because the "best" people I know are the "best" examples for the rest of us as they deal with their challenges, and carry their burdens with such grace, humility, determination and unconditional love. I've seen this firsthand (too often), as I've watched and continue to watch friends I love and respect accept sickness, job loss, unexpected mind-numbing news, and more in stride. I don't know if I tell them enough how much I admire them and how very proud I am of their strength. How's that for some sappiness? (and here come the tears, which I can't blame on pregnancy hormones anymore...dammit!)

God, I know you're listening (do you read blogs?) and I want you to know that I don't get WHY all of this bad/challenging/exhausting/frustrating stuff keeps happening all over the word and in my own little corner of it, but I'm ready to accept whatever you may put in my path (now, don't go crazy ok?). I'm glad and honored to be living another day here, and I've got to believe that it's all part of some much greater purpose and plan. So, just like the cheerleaders in that really awful cheesy movie (that has like 4 sequels?!) say, "Bring it on!"