Unexpected validation

I'll admit it, most days I lie in my big, cushiony bed (as the husband gets ready for work), and I think to myself "I don't have the energy to do this today. I'm too tired. Too worn out.  I need more sleep..." While all of those things are too true, and while I try very hard to just fall back asleep and pretend that I don't have a care in the world, I can't do it! So, I throw the covers off in one swift swoop (like when you quickly pull off a band aid so the pain doesn't last as long), I take a deep breath, say a quick prayer, and I step into the craziness that most certainly lies ahead. Isn't that what we as moms do ALL the time? We put our own feelings, physical needs, wants and needs aside, we drink an extra cup of coffee (or three), we put on our big girl pants, and we do whatever is necessary to ensure our children are healthy, happy and loved. I always appreciated how much my mom did for my brother and I, but I had no idea how hard it was to put on a brave face and a smile every single day. "Hey Mom, I get it now." 

Being a mom is tough business, and an often under appreciated one, but then there are moments like I experienced today that make it the most fulfilling job on earth (and perhaps beyond). 

The day started out like any other day, with me lamenting over getting out of my blankety nest, and Caden yelling "maaaaa-ma, maaaaa-ma" over and over and over again until I finally ask, "yes, buddy?" And he (like he does every single time) responds with a sideways grin and a quick "hi." "Hi, Caden... I love you." Then, (as he often does) he's screaming for "cookies," which he's obviously not getting for breakfast (right?!). Cooper is fussing because he's hungry (only his food comes straight from the tap, which is currently busy), and the dogs are whining because someone's got to feed them too! That's the beginning of my every day (the volume and intensity of the screaming/fussing/dog whining varies). It's very peaceful. 

So, after a big breakfast (for everyone but me) and our usual game of cars (which basically involves me on my hands and knees driving matchbox cars all over the house with a toddler), we took a break to watch a little Sesame Street. Typically, Caden stands at the coffee table (with 2 to 3 cars tucked under his arms) and teeters between casually watching the tv and jumping/crashing/diving around the living room. Today, however, he wanted to sit on my lap with his head on my shoulder, his hand in my hand and his other hand resting on top of his little brother's hand. We sat like this for almost the entire episode (yes, seriously), and I found myself basking in the immense love I had for these two imperfectly perfect little men. There is NOTHING that could have been more beautiful than those precious (and rare) moments. My eyes involuntarily welled up as I looked down at both sets of tiny fingers, and this time I couldn't blame it on pregnancy hormones (or at least I hope not!), I was just overwhelmed with joy, unbridled, unequivocal joy. As expected, the stillness of those few moments was over before I could enjoy it much longer. Caden then tried to hug Cooper by climbing completely on top of him like a human blanket. Cooper didn't appreciate that at all, and responded with some shrill shrieking, but I was lucky to catch this shot first.

My awesome-day-to-be-a-mama didn't end there (believe it or not). Caden continued to pause (whatever activity he was doing throughout the day) just long enough to hug me and his little brother, so deliberately and lovingly. Then, when it was time to head upstairs for the dreaded "n" word (N-A-P), he actually walked right up and into his room, over to his crib and asked for me to put him in it. He then told me "Bye, Mama," gave me another hug and a kiss, grabbed his blankie and laid down. I closed his door and there was no screaming, just beautiful, but surprising silence. 

As I tiptoed back downstairs, I could not stop smiling. I was so proud of my little boy for being so loving and so good, and I felt beyond grateful for the opportunity to experience life (in all its glory and fury) with my two sons. Tomorrow may (and likely will) be a total crapshoot and hell may break loose, but I'm going to try my very best to savor the memory of this special day for as long as I can (even as Caden throws his turkey, fruit, cheese and whatever else I so nicely prepared for him off his tray fastball-pitch style). 

I really needed today, because every mom needs to feel validated every once in awhile, and there's no better validation than the unprompted and repeated affection from your child. I'll be tired tomorrow, and I'll lay under the covers as long as possible (or until Phil tells me I HAVE to get up), but this time I'll be completely hungover with love.