To my Cadebug on his 2nd Birthday...

I'm thinking I can safely say at this point that this has become a weekly blog (with some exception), and I'm OK with that. I can manage that. There will be weeks I'll post more, but for now, I can commit to weekly(ish). Now, that's that's settled, I'd like to dedicate this post to my baby boy, Caden who isn't a baby anymore. He's two! 

In some ways, I can't believe it has been two years since I welcomed my first baby to the world on July 18, 2011. I still remember the tee shirt I wore as we checked into the hospital after having one of my required bi-weekly ultrasounds and stress tests, as I had low amniotic fluid (discovered at about 30/31 weeks). At exactly 37 weeks and 1 day, knowing our little boy was healthy and with strong lungs, I basically begged the technician to tell me my fluid was low enough to induce, because I was so tired of having to spend the night in the hospital getting pumped full of IVs that I knew were only a temporary fix. I wasn't allowed to go into the office anymore. I wasn't permitted to exercise, or do much of anything other than leave the couch to use the restroom. In other words, I WAS more than READY to be done being pregnant. My hospital bag was packed and loaded in my trunk, the carseat installed, and cell phone charged. So, when my doctor said it was "go time," off we went! 

I recall strolling across the walkway from my doctors office to the hospital (the two buildings are connected) and laughing with Phil that this "was not how we pictured getting to the hospital..." Before I knew I had low amniotic fluid, I just assumed that I would go into labor on my own and (just like in the movies) Phil would rush me in to the emergency room doors, frantically grabbing a wheelchair as, sweating profusely, I screamed in pain. Then, we'd go straight to the delivery room, I'd push and then we'd having our wailing, healthy baby boy! Instead, here we were calmly walking up to the maternity ward, neatly registering with the triage desk, and waiting in the waiting room to be called to be induced so we could jump start labor. The whole ordeal felt very surreal, extremely exciting, but very surreal.

Fast forward (except change fast to exceptionally slow) to 13 hours later, and the news was broken to me (by the nurse and then the doctor) that unfortunately I "was not progressing as expected and therefore a cesarean section would be needed due to the stress on myself and the baby." In that moment, I remember looking at Phil and knowing that this was it. I had done the best I could, and my body wasn't ready and far too tired to finish the job on its own.  I was at peace, and ready to meet my little man! Ok, I'll admit it, I was nervous too... Not for the surgery, but knowing that in just a little while I would be a mama, and responsible for a life other than my own. I had 37 weeks to get used to that, but it remained a very daunting realization. 

At exactly 11:23 p.m., Caden Patrick entered the world with the same vivacious energy and enthusiasm he brings with him today. Before I could see him, I heard him and at that moment, though heavily sedated, I felt a very strong twinge surge throughout my body. Although I couldn't move from the shoulders down, immediately I wanted to be with him. Already, my motherly instincts were awakened and charging fast. 

After checking his vitals and weighing him, Phil anxiously brought him over to me and said, as I locked eyes with Caden for the first time, "hi mama." I wanted to reach for him, but I couldn't actually hold him yet, so he just touched him against my cheek. My whole body surged again. It was like electricity quivering from my head to my toes. We were connected in a way I had never experienced before. It was primal and unbreakable. In that moment, I began to love unconditionally and unequivocally. That tiny 6 lb. 8 oz and 19.5" human being changed me immediately and forever for the better.  In that moment, I became a mama. 

Now, two years later my baby is a boy, a curly-headed, car-obsessed, sprinting, jumping, cookie-craving, baby-brother-tackling, water-loving, giggling, shrieking, healthy, silly-face making, determined, dancing, smart, loving little boy. I couldn't be prouder of him. I couldn't be more blessed to get to spend every day with him, and I couldn't be more in love with my spirited guy. That twinge that I felt when I first heard him cry still surges through me every morning I wake up and realize what lies ahead of me - another day of protecting, comforting, shaping and loving my baby as he slowly (and all too quickly) grows into an incredible man.

I love you with every ounce of my being, every fiber of my soul and every drumming of my heart my little Cadebug. "You are my sunshine..."