Surrounded by heroes...

It's one of those rare times (sadly) where I'm actually making another post in less than 48 hours! I'm really trying to be get into some sort of consistent pattern with my entries, but it's a little hard to do these days with two under two (ugh I still feel like that's such a cop out though...). Anyway, here's what is top of mind today...

I'm having one of those moments right now where I'm caught in a paradox of feeling grateful and blessed while also feeling guilty and heartbroken. If you've felt it, you know how heavy this particular emotional combination sits inside you. If you haven't felt it, you most likely will at some point in your life as a parent. For me, it happens when I hear about something really challenging and unexpected occurring in the life of a friend, the kind of thing that really shakes things up and forces them to face their worst fear as a parent, the fragility/mortality of their child's life... I've known several friends and acquaintances that have had to confront situations like this and I am still in awe of the strength, grace, humility and sheer determination they have each shown when thrown their own personal curveball. I don't know if they truly realize how amazing and inspirational they are to me (and many others) as we navigate through our own set of challenges (although much lesser in comparison). 

I feel so grateful and blessed that (thus far) my children are primarily healthy, and I promise you there is is not a day that goes by that I don't lift my head and heart in prayer and thank GOD for that. I don't take it for granted. I'm fully aware that things change quickly and life is a series of challenging ebbs and steady flows. I thank my "lucky stars" every night and yet I can't shake the fear, the worry and the sadness/guilt. I fear for my friends facing tough situations with their families, and I fear the unexpected for my own family. I worry constantly (seriously, ask anyone who knows me), and I go to bed feeling guilty that, for now, my life is pretty good and my children are OK. I feel guilty because it hurts my heart to know my friends are muddling through tough territory and all I can do is try to understand and be there for them in any way I can. I can pray for them and I do.... Every single day. 

I may feel defeated, at times, by an endlessly energetic toddler, needy baby and an ever-growing list of "to dos" but I know that's NOTHING compared to the REAL trials and tribulations that exist for parents that are just having to take things one day at a time... 

To all my friends that are facing the unexpected and unfair, you are amazing. Absolutely amazing. You are also human and allowed to breakdown and throw up your hands every so often. It's ok and if doesn't make you weaker. It makes you even stronger and more admirable. If I, as a friend and fellow mom, can take away even an ounce of your pain (or however pain is measured), please hand it right over and let me lessen your load. I'm ready and willing. 

I'm truly surrounded by heroes - big ones and little ones. They don't wear capes or masks. They wear bruises, a few scars, tough skin, determined minds and hearts of gold...