The importance of being present

Once again, it's been entirely too long since my last post, and I will make no excuses. I just haven't taken the time to write "personally" lately. I've written professionally and have enjoyed it immensely, yet I've abandoned my weekly blog and I apologize for that. 

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During my unintentional blogging hiatus, God has found some little and some larger ways to open my eyes a little wider to the world within and beyond my four walls. Too often, I let my mind wander too far ahead and before I know it I'm envisioning next week and next month and even next year instead of just being present today. I can't tell you how many nights I've closed my eyes only to listen to my head play out every possible best case and worst case scenario for every person in my family and often my friends.

I realized a long time ago that I have a difficult time just letting the present unfold, and while taking control can be a great thing, it can also lead to never truly feeling a sense of peace or accomplishment, or even appreciation of all you have. In the past month, I've been reminded of how delicate life is and just how important it is to stand still sometimes and let your mind rest - to truly be present. It took some beautiful people and soul-wrenching moments to show me that... 

A very dear friend of mine and a mother like no other has been a huge reminder to me of what living in the present looks like, and her pint-size daughter has undoubtedly demonstrated courage and resilience personified. Before this little angel was born, she was diagnosed with a congenital heart defect and surgery was determined to be a definite future necessity. 

Fast forward to a few months after her birth and the day of her actual surgery; I've never felt so helpless and so terrified for a friend as I did that morning. There was nothing I could do but to pray and I did as much of that as possible. I kept picturing myself in my friend's place, and feeling her anxiety and worst fears as a mother. Yet, she remained so steadfast and hopeful and amazingly strong. Inside, I have no doubt her own heart was deeply aching and her spirit shaken, but to the naked eye she was unbelievably determined to see her daughter come out of that operating room and on to the road to recovery. In those moments, she was absolutely present. She wasn't lost somewhere in the future she could not influence or control. She was right there in the moment making the most of each one. 

Well, her gorgeous little lady did come out of that room and she fought for two weeks in the hospital to recover through infection and sickness and things that would be too difficult for some adults to endure and conquer. Yet, she conquered every last obstacle - and just like her mama - she showed such serenity and grace. I didn't know until a few weeks ago that I could look up to a twelve pound little being, but I wholeheartedly regard her as my tiny hero, or should I say heroine! 

Thank you, Nicki and Claire, for awakening me to the power and beauty of living in the present. Thank you for being such bold examples of what it looks like to be here right now - making the most of each second we have. I feel so blessed to know you and to learn from you...

Life is fragile and can be fleeting, even when you least expect it. I wasn't going to mention this next experience, but if I didn't, I suppose I wouldn't be honoring my own rule: to be honest about my thoughts and feelings within this space, even if it hurts a little or makes me feel more vulnerable (something I also deeply fear). 

A few weeks ago, I wasn't really feeling that great... I just felt "off" and wasn't sure exactly why (other than the usual I'm a mother of two young boys rationale). I've just started weaning my youngest, so I figured that my hormones were all out of whack (and most likely, they were!) and waited for them to settle down. After a week of feeling "off" I realized my instincts were telling me I'd felt this way before... So, I took a pregnancy test and very unexpectedly got a positive result! It was faint but it was certainly there. I was shocked. We hadn't even been trying, but any child is absolutely a pure blessing in my heart. I took two more to be sure (if you know me you are not at all surprised by this...) All remained ever-so-faintly positive. I told Phil (of course) and my Mom (of course). I waited to contact the doctor until the next week. It was still extremely early (end of 4 weeks), and although I was excited, something deep within me was feeling very unsettled and protective. 

A few days later I  had some fairly strong cramps and a few lower back pains, which I did not think much of as I'd felt both before. I chalked them up to very early growing pains. Again, though, deep in my mind (or maybe even my soul), I knew something just didn't feel "right." That night, as I said my usual prayers I remember talking to God and telling him that I completely trusted him. I explained that I felt something was wrong. I prayed that if this little life was not meant to be that I would understand and accept his will. I prayed for a sign... God has shown me so many signs time and time again throughout my life. Each time I was confused or hurt or even ridiculously happy, I felt him there showing me the way. 

Well, early that next morning, I realized that just as soon as this life has started it was now ending. My motherly instincts were strong and right on. God was giving me his sign. It was never meant to be... 

At first, I felt at peace. Then, I felt like I had failed. It's hard to explain, but I felt like something I did was at fault or that maybe something I was doing in my life was at fault, and perhaps this was my karma at play... I felt very confused and hurt and empty. I also felt pretty irrational, because how could I feel so sad about something many women would've completely missed and dismissed as a late or heavy period? It was too early to feel sad wasn't it? So many people had gone through much, much worse... I felt alone in my feelings - helpless, guilty and alone. I didn't really know how to talk about it to Phil or my Mom, and I wished I wasn't so in tune to my body as I apparently was... In other words, I wished I had never ever thought to take that stupid test!!! After all, this was only my second cycle after Cooper and I wasn't even ready to be pregnant again... Yet, I soon realized after feeling all of that, that what I was really feeling was grief.

However short-lived and early it was, for the first (and hopefully only) time, I had experienced what so many women experience at some point during their child-bearing years - what it feels like to gain and then lose the "hope" of a little life... I am very fortunate that it occurred so very early, as I'm not sure my heart could have handled something happening later on... And as strange as it may sound, those sad moments also opened my eyes much wider to all the beauty and life that already surrounds me

 I have two handsome, healthy, spirited, funny and loving little boys. I watch them grow every day into their individual selves and the pride I feel is indescribable. The love I have for them extends far past my arms to hug and lips to kiss them with... 

I have a handsome, noble and hard-working husband who is a wonderful partner to navigate through life and parenthood with, and he always keeps me grounded. 

Both of my parents, younger brother and even my Grandma are all living and very much involved in our lives, showing such love and undying support. I have lovely friends who are also my family. 

I have my health. I am safe, warm and alive. I AM BLESSED. SO VERY BLESSED.

What I know is this... Life is delicate and fleeting, beautiful and sad, confusing and satisfying. I've been reminded of all these things lately. Most of all, I know that God is present in all of our lives - every single day. In your moments of joy, fear, gratitude, anger, and especially in your minutes and hours and sometimes even days of loneliness. He's there. He's present. 

Try being present in your own life. Pray. Listen. Reach out. Look around you, and often directly in front of you. Stop trying to plan every detail of tomorrow and just live in today. It's not easy, believe me I know, but it is necessary. 

Every day you wake up (even if it's with a headache) is a gift. Every day you have another chance to open your eyes is another chance you have to take a look at the blessings that surround you. 

I'm awake, and for now I'm living in this moment - right here in this moment... Thank God for that!

A heart and head too full...

Dear Neglected Blog,

I'm sorry that it's been two weeks-ish since my last post, but life has been crazy. Crazy busy, crazy good, crazy bad and just plain crazy. I'm not going to lie, there were probably times I could have thought of something to blog about, but honestly my brain and body have been on overdrive lately and I have lacked the motivation/energy to try to find words for all that's been going on. Excuses, excuses... Lame.  know. I'm sorry. 

Over the last few weeks..

Cooper has gotten his first cold (after being free of sickness for over 9 months). He handled it like a rock star and sailed through with ease (just with a few more boogers than usual).  After Cooper recovered, I got bronchitis and then an awful ear infection (outer and inner), which totally threw me for a loop as I thought only kids got those! 2 pain medications and 3 antibiotics later and I'm finally on the mend.  Although, my ears are still full of fluid and won't pop (which is beyond irritating), but at least the stabbing pain is gone. I seriously have complete admiration for kiddos that suffer through these terrible infections with a smile. Lord knows I wasn't smiling!

 Moving on from the seasonal sickness, I took the leap and officially started my own business, "Compton Communications (www.compton-communications.com). It's been truly fun getting back into writing professionally and communicating with clients over 3 feet tall. Although, I do enjoy the kisses my tiny "clients" pay me in... Right now, any time the kids are sleeping, I'm on my computer or on the phone making sure that everyone in my network knows that I'm ready and available to take on new projects. There's so much more desire to succeed and prosper when the only one moving you forward or holding you back is YOU. I put far more pressure on myself than anyone I ever worked for did... 

And here's the biggest and "baddest" news... Phil recently found out he's going to have to start traveling again for his job. He hasn't traveled consistently since before we were married in 2008. 2 houses, 2 dogs and 2 kids later, a lot had changed! Right now, it appears he'll he traveling the majority of the week every week.

Besides being heartbroken that my  best friend and partner won't be by my side every day and night, I am also heartbroken for my boys. Caden, especially, has so many rituals that involve Phil. He helps bathe him and blows the best and biggest bubbles. He wrestles with him as only dads can and transforms into the tickle monster to get every last giggle out. Every night we read to the boys together and after I say goodnight, Phil stays with Caden and tucks him tightly in and kisses all his "boo-boos" (most imaginary cuts and bruises) so they feel better. 

Phil is as hands-on as any Dad (or parent) could ever be, and as I think about him "leaving on a jet plane" to report to work in a different city miles away from those he loves and those who love him, my heart aches unbearably. 

I'm no stranger to experiencing life without one parent around during the week. My dad traveled often when my brother and I were young and is still up in the air most of the time twenty-something years later! Although, like anything in life, we got used to him being away and only home on the weekends, I remember feeling constant loneliness and being jealous of the other kids whose fathers were home every night for dinner. 

I didn't realize until how how exhausting, frustrating and lonely that must've been for my mom too. She did absolutely everything for us and never ever took a break (that I can remember). While my dad retired in his hotel room in the evening, my mom's work day never stopped. Even when she closed her eyes, she slept with one half open. I took all of that for granted of course as a child, but now as I get ready to face it, I can honestly say I'm terrified and dreading it. 

I know that I've never been good at being alone. I'm the kind of person that is much happier around a chosen few that I love. I can adapt and I will, but I really despise that I have to and that the boys have to adapt to not seeing their "da-da" every night. They are both beautiful, curious, loving and perfectly secure little beings right now, and I want NOTHING to chip away at their self confidence. The real world will do that soon enough. Why in the hell does it have to happen now? 

As you can see, the news of Phil traveling is not settling well with me. I am desperately trying to think of it as a "temporary" thing, but I am beyond terrified of not knowing what the future holds. I've had my husband home with me for 5 years. That is all of our married life together! How can I not be terrified of doing this all without him? He's truly been our rock and without him here I feel already as if I'm beginning to crumble. 

I'm a strong woman, of that I have no doubt, but given the choice I would never choose for any of us to be apart. This is going to be really, really tough...

My mind and heart are too full and the right words haven't come easy these last couple of weeks, so forgive me for my absence and pray that I somehow find the strength to accept the road ahead (praying hard that it's a very short one). 

To my Cooper Ryan...

As I nursed Cooper before bed tonight, I couldn't help but kiss his beautiful face over and over again. This wonderfully sweet-natured, giggling, raspberry-blowing baby boy will be nine months old tomorrow. It's a little shocking how fast that time has gone. I remember feeling the same way with Caden around that age. Of course, I had also just found out I was already pregnant again with Cooper! 

Somehow though these past nine months seem to have gone by at triple the speed! I'm certain it's because there are now two little boys who need my attention, a new home we've inhabited and most recently a new business I've started. I feel very blessed, but there are moments like tonight, as I stared into Cooper's twinkling eyes and ran my fingers through his wispy blonde hair, that I truly want to stop the clock. 

Every minute my babies grow a little older and a little more independent (recently a lot more in Caden's case). Every day, they grow a little more into the great men they'll become. I can't put into words (hard to believe, I know) the level of pride or the magnitude of love I feel for these little boys. It's the kind of love that fills every inch of me with joy and awakens me with worry. It's the kind of love that makes me give everything I have and never feel like it's enough. If I never accomplished anything else in this lifetime, my two beautiful boys would be enough.

I didn't plan this post as an ode to my children, but I just feel so overwhelmed with the feeling of life so quickly moving that I guess that's what it's become. 

In honor of my lovable, chunky little guy and his soon to be nine months of life, here are the...

"Top Ten Things I adore about Cooper Ryan Smith"

1. His crinkly, smiling eyes always so full of light and joy 

2. His kissable cheeks - so soft and smooth and perfect

3. The way we lock eyes when he's nursing. I treasure those sweet moments.

4. His wispy, feathery tow-headed mane that curls around his face and on the top of his sweet head

5. His infectious giggle 

6. His insatiable appetite - 3 jars of food and some yogurt? Pretty typical meal for this guy

7. The way he loudly says "muah!" as he kisses me over and over again 

8. His sheer determination to move himself forward only to end up going backwards 

9. His "clap, clap, clap" 

10. His beautiful soul... He truly shines from the inside out with joy and love and a serenity I've never seen. I'm so very blessed God chose me to be his mama. Happy nine months, "Coopie." 

Feeling full...

Sorry for not meeting my weekly commitment to share a post in bloggerverse last week. I got caught up with life and all of its wackiness. I am recommitting myself now. No excuses.

It isn't that life has been particularly crazy or any more hectic than usual. It's that it's been more full--- full of finishing up home improvement projects, welcoming cooler weather and warmer clothing, swinging on the front porch, encouraging Cooper to crawl, watching "Monsters, Inc." for the 500th time, and jumping into managing my very own business while remaining a full time stay at home mom. It's been a very full life lately, and you know what? I really like it that way. 

Like many moms, I was starting to feel like I was getting lost in the shuffle and flattened by the daily grind. Everyday was  starting to feel like "groundhog day" (see previous post). I felt like a robot programmed with one setting -"motherhood." The problem was there was no "OFF" button and little to no recharging. 

Upon re-reading my last entry, I realized that I had to shake things up a little, and commit to finding some time (even an hour a day and/or night) to enjoy being me again. I'll be honest, I'm good at making lists, but not so good at following them. I think I do if more to attempt to get things off my mind, but not necessarily to put into action. I admire those of you who can pen a killer "to do" and then execute it like there's no tomorrow. Since that's unfortunately not me, I just started doing the stuff bouncing around my head, or the stuff kept me wide awake at night. Stuff like... 

Finally creating "planes, trains and automobiles" art for Caden's room (Now, cooper's room is next!)

It's hard to see the detail here... But I had a lot of fun getting back in touch with my creative and artistic side, and it truly helped me relax. All four pieces are now displayed on Caden's wall and every time he looks at them he says "mama" and smiles the biggest smile. That's like getting a "five star review" in my book.

Getting to the gym six days a week for forty minutes of fitness - rain or shine, cranky or happy, tired or more tired... I'm there.

I'm not a calorie counter and I don't usually know how much I weigh on any given day. That's not why I go to the gym. I'm there because it keeps me sane. Whether it's the natural endorphins, the time to myself, or the boost of confidence that I feel when I walk out the door to trek back home, exercise really is my drug. 

Framing and hanging our recent family photos in the "perfect" spot 

This may seem pretty simple, but I bought those frames when we first moved into our house six months ago. I had no idea where they would go, how thru would look, or what photos would inhabit them. So, for six months I had six frames (one not pictured here) that sat without purpose in a dark closet until one of my late night revelations brought them to life (well, that and a little help from my handy husband). I am so pleased with his they turned out! 

Welcoming fall into our home, and particularly to our front porch...

A little autumn garland, a warm wreath, some new colorful cushions, a few mums and voila! All I need now is a cup of hot cocoa, a good book and both kids napping! I love this time of year and am grateful we have a beautiful space to enjoy it.

And last but not least, I started my own communications/marketing business - something I've always wanted to do...

When I left my corporate job after Cooper was born, I knew I was leaving so that I could spend more time with my boys, so that I could experience them as little people navigating through the world for the first time. I also feared that I'd not be able to find a way to satiate my urge to write and create. That's a big reason I began this blog. I knew it would be good reflective therapy as an exhausted mama, a nice way to capture memories (naughty and nice ones) for the boys, and hopefully a place where other moms (and dads) could go to giggle and nod and maybe even cry (the therapeutic kind of tears that happen when you realize there are others out there like you...). This blog helped me realize that I could take an even bigger leap. Why not start my own business? Why not just try? So, after a few more staring-at-the-ceiling self reflections, I decided the details (business cards, website, marketing) could wait. I'd just try my hand at what I do best ... Jumping in. It's only been a few short weeks, but I have some initial assignments booked and I'm feeling the love. 

As I wrap this up, I'm gotta say I'm feeling very full --- full of gratitude that God has given me the capacity to nurture those I love most while also nurturing my my mind, body and soul. 

I needed a wake up call, so I stopped making lists. I started making things happen. 

To all the mamas (and dads) still awake out there counting ideas and hopes and to do's instead of sheep, stop over thinking it... Don't starve yourself of your own time and talents. Spend time filling yourself up again. Be full. 

My very own "Groundhog Day"

Let me start by saying that there is not a single day that goes by that I don't realize how fortunate I am to be healthy, to have children and a husband who are healthy, to live in a beautiful home with many amenities that I know many people in our nation and beyond live without. I am grateful just to be here and I completely get that and thank god everyday. That being said, I will also admit that there are many mornings (like this morning) that I wake up, as I kick both lazy dogs to the end of the bed, stare at the ceiling and try to muster up the energy and enthusiasm to dive into my very own Groundhog Day. And as I round the corner (before I've had my coffee)  into the kitchen and hear my two year old whining "Mama... Mama.... Cookies! Cookies," I can totally relate to Phil Connors as he tries unsuccessfully to avoid the seemingly ever-present and über irritating Ned. I'm not comparing my toddler to an irritating insurance salesman (or am I?), but I am saying that life as a SAHM can be pretty monotonous at times

Each morning without fail, Caden will demand cookies for breakfast and I will have to explain to him (for the bizillionth time) why we can't have cookies for breakfast. I will shove a plate of pancakes or peanut butter toast in front of him, while opening up a can of puréed bananas for Cooper and trying desperately to get caffeine into my system (if I could have a drip IV I would) and maybe a few real bites of food (wait... is a protein bar food?). This is my every.single.morning. There is very little variation. Though I cannot say that each day unfolds exactly the same way, I can certainly promise that there will be several nonsensical tantrums, at least a few viewings of Monsters, inc. (or "momers" as Caden calls it), lots of wet and/or super smelly diapers, a handful of Cooper being tackled by Caden encounters, a minimum of two timeouts, countless wiping of the counters/floors/walls/hands/faces, and an endless stream of "No...No...  Mama said No... No... NO!!!" The scenery and activities may shift slightly, but the characters and plot remain the same (quite similar to any movie starring Jennifer Aniston). So, while I still count my blessings everyday, I sometimes find my mind wandering to the world that exists beyond these kiddie-smudged walls.

I know I'm not alone. I see it in the haggard, vacant stares of other mamas that I spy at the grocery store. I watch the mom next to me on the elliptical as she run-pedals into oblivion just trying to hang to the maybe thirty or forty mere minutes she has to herself... I hear it in the strained voices of moms imploring their adventurous kiddo to "get out from under the table... Stop licking that... Get that out of your mouth right now... 1...2...3..." I see it, I feel it, I hear it and I get it.  I'm right there with you Mommies. We are seeing our shadows together - day in and day out. 

So,  here's what I've decided. I'm going to do at least 1-2 things everyday (with or without the kiddos) that make the day stand out in some way. They don't have to be big or even that exciting. They just have to be something that keeps things interesting and keeps me in the world of the living. Here are a few things I've done over the last few days... 

1. Have a dance party in the kitchen with the boys: this was so much fun and a great way to burn some calories and some energy before nap time. We covered some oldies and some newbies and made up some pretty awesome dance moves too! Look out Miley. You may know how to twerk it, but me and my boys know how to work it! 

2. Paint my nails with a color or pattern I wouldn't normally do:  This sounds minor but it actually did a lot to brighten my mood and my day. I usually play it pretty safe with a palette of corals and pinks, but check out these digits.... Pretty "cray, cray" right? It's the little things...

3. Do something artistic (or get back in touch with the more interesting part of my brain):  I used to be a very creative, vibrant, innovative person, and too often I forget to let that side of myself out (or I'm too exhausted to even try to create anything other than a weekly grocery list). I have been wanting to do some artwork for the boys' rooms, starting with Caden, who has a "planes, trains and automobiles" theme. This is a work in progress (and only the first of a few pieces to come), but here's proof I have preserved some of my creativity... (Again, it's not done yet...)

While those things may seem unexciting to the average person, or non-parent, they definitely add a little zest to my life and a slight spring to my step, and most importantly they help to differentiate the long days and nights that seem all too often to blend together. They remind me that I'm still at steering wheel (somewhat) in control of my own life. They make me feel alive. I may still have a lot to learn about motherhood and being an adult (because I still feel like a kid), but I do know that it's not easy to stay positive when your life starts to feel like it's a little lackluster. So, if a daring new nail color or a dance-off in the den is what gives it a little pizazz... Well, then I'm going to dance my colorful, creative hiney off! The dishes and laundry can wait. After all, something tells me they'll be there tomorrow...

    This kid knows how to enjoy life that's for sure...

Mom A.D.D.

I have so much "stuff" floating around in my head right now, all of which I could devote an entire post (or two). I'm not positive I've always had ADD, but I'm fairly certain I've developed it as a mom. In fact, sometimes I not only have spur of the moment, flitting half-thoughts inside my head, but I actually verbalize them to other people and then act surprised when they seem lost or confused about what the heck I'm talking about. For example, the husband and I will be sitting at our nightly dinner, which consists of us shoving half-chewed up bites rapidly in our mouths while asking Caden to "stop climbing on the table, no seriously stop it right now...stop... 1-2-3..." Phil will start telling me something we need to do or a really interesting story about a really interesting thing that happened at work, and I will suddenly say "oh wow so that's what it is... I get it now... yes that's it.., she was right!" Phil will stare at me like I have a huge glob of food on my forehead (which I probably do), and suddenly I'll realize that I had another disruptive, out of left field thought that was not intended to be out loud and without any transition whatsoever. Happens all the time - kind of like trying to focus on this blog post tonight. Wait. What was I writing about? .... Oh yeah.... All the "gems" that float around in my mom brain... Right... 

So, because there's too much in my noggin and not enough energy in my fingers, here's an executive summary of what I'm currently thinking/focusing on:

 

1. How do you differentiate between the "terrible twos" and behavior that is beyond that cliche? 

Caden is a very sharp, very active and very willful toddler. His willfulness is mostly what is causing mama and him to butt heads more often than not these days. It's not that he puts himself in harms way or lacks caution, it's simply that he is always testing me and very purposely defying me. I will ask him to clean something up and he will look me straight in the eye and turn into a pint size tornado pulling every toy and trinket off the shelves and on to the floor, while tipping over easels and bonking cooper on the head... It's amazing the havoc he can cause in a matter of a few seconds! That brings me to my second topic...

 

2. How do you effectively discipline a two year old?

Recently (starting 3 weeks ago), I started the "1-2-3" warning followed by a 2 minute timeout (a minute for each year of age) with Caden. He seems to respond to this and is apologetic after receiving a timeout, but the behavior is not necessarily improving. So, I'm constantly researching the most effective ways to discipline yore toddler while also teaching him cause and effect so that he's learning how to modify his behavior. I think what I'm missing is talking through the process more with him (at least that's what the experts in cyberspace are telling me...). He needs to know his feelings are validated while also learning to use his "words" to tell me why he's frustrated. And speaking of words...

3. What is a "normal" range of vocabulary for a typical two year old? I know it likely varies a lot from tot to tot. I also know that girls are typically much more verbal than boys. Lord knows I was (and still am)! Caden is just saying a few phrases, but no real sentences yet. When he wants something he typically brings me to it or points to it or uses part of a word, and because I speak "cadenese" fluently, I know what he's asking. So, what's the real "normal?" Today, it seems like everyone is so quick to get their child signed up for speech therapy if they're not communicating as expected... But the truth is I'm not sure what I should expect at this point of our two year journey together.  I don't want to jump the gun, yet I don't want to be dismissive... What's the right answer (and why is parenting a toddler like a game of jeopardy)? 

There you have it... Those are the primary questions and thoughts running rampant in and outside my head along with trying to sleep train Cooper (who would rather sleep-eat with mama all night), restart potty training (kind of) with Caden, trying to keep in touch with my own interests/hobbies/work (yeah right), and searching for some time with friends had my very neglected husband (sorry Phil).

Most of the time, I maintain a pretty laid back kind of vibe, and despite the thousands of things I have to do and figure out, I remember to get on the floor and just play with my kids, to cuddle with them on the couch and to give them as many kisses as I can fit into one day at a time, BUT I then find myself laying in bed on nights like tonight wondering how to answer all the questions and quiet the doubt in my head. It truly never ends... And tomorrow it will all begin again, and I'll have more questions without answers and more worries about mistakes I I'm making... I'll also likely shout out a few things at the dinner table that make absolutely no sense (sorry again, Phil). Ahhhhh.... So..... 

What were we talking  about again?!?! 

Dear Miley...

Sorry for the longer-than-usual lapse in posting. We were at the beach! Originally, I planned to dedicate this blog to our beach-going days, but I now have something more pressing on my mind (and unfortunately invading my short-term memory). It involves a certain formerly g-rated now turned xxx-rated Disney darling and her recent cringe-worthy porn-formance at MTV's 2013 VMA awards. I really don't want to write about her at all, but I DO want to write about what it truly means to be "lady" in a society that is breeding "tramps." 

Dear Miley - We get it. You're a far cry from your squeaky-clean, sweet-talking, fun-loving Disney pop star alter ego. Hannah Montana is not only dead and buried, she's turning in her pink and purple bedazzled grave after yesterday's VMA debacle. 

Dear Miley - You claim you're not a role model. That's refreshing, as the only role you're playing is one of a trashy, classless wannabe temptress trying to mask a desperate, overexposed, confused young woman. That role is not one I wish for any woman or girl or person to model in any way. Ever.

Dear Miley - The eyes-wide-open, mouths agape, frozen faces that you're seeing staring back at you are not in awe of you, but in contempt of your behavior. It's not the gyrating hips, sexual-simulating moves and latex that shock us. It's the blatant absence of dignity and self respect you so freely display. It's the stain you leave in the minds of impressionable young girls (and boys, too). 

Dear Miley - It's hard enough for children (especially girls) to stay grounded with some sort of moral code while growing up in a society that exploits sexuality at a very young age, encourages lust for material things, and breeds disrespect towards self and others, because being "cool" is much more important than having values and acting with any sort of class. You're definitely not a role model, but you are clearly the perfect puppet with no conscience to guide you, only the strings of money and fame (at all costs). 

Dear Miley - What I hope and pray is that if by some chance impressionable young teens saw your latest tryst on stage, they themselves have what you are clearly lacking, a sense of right and wrong and a strong set of guiding hands (parents or guardians) to turn the TV off and the family conversation on.

Dear Miley - You're only young once, and YOLO and all that jazz, but with that one life comes the chance to make a difference in the lives of others, to be remembered for your talent and heart versus your body and blatant self-destruction. Like it or not, you live a very public life, and while I can not imagine how exhausting and difficult that is, it's the life you willingly choose to lead each day. You worked hard to achieve all that you've achieved in twenty years, will you now spend the next twenty acting like a fool just to show us that you can? People will tune in. After all, misery loves company. Just understand the difference between tuning in to watch a class act versus another train wreck. 

Dear Miley - You succeeded in your mission to get all kinds of attention. From the Internet, to every form of social media, to the television, to radio and word of mouth, you are indeed "the talk of the town." The talk is of another self-indulgent, desperate, shock-hungry, messed up teen who uses her breasts and butt more than her brain.

Dear Miley - When the tweets die down and the news ticker stops flashing your name, you'll forever be left with your own instant replay - the one of you exploiting yourself on a very public stage in a very profane way while everyone watched with disgust and sadness NOT admiration. 

Dear Miley - Your children, should you have them, will one day watch you too and wonder if that's the way they should treat their own bodies - "just like mama." Will you tell them then like you've told everyone now that you're "not a role model?" 

Dear Miley- The future isn't as far off as you think. 

Sincerely,

Your Neglected Moral Code