Dear Miley...

Sorry for the longer-than-usual lapse in posting. We were at the beach! Originally, I planned to dedicate this blog to our beach-going days, but I now have something more pressing on my mind (and unfortunately invading my short-term memory). It involves a certain formerly g-rated now turned xxx-rated Disney darling and her recent cringe-worthy porn-formance at MTV's 2013 VMA awards. I really don't want to write about her at all, but I DO want to write about what it truly means to be "lady" in a society that is breeding "tramps." 

Dear Miley - We get it. You're a far cry from your squeaky-clean, sweet-talking, fun-loving Disney pop star alter ego. Hannah Montana is not only dead and buried, she's turning in her pink and purple bedazzled grave after yesterday's VMA debacle. 

Dear Miley - You claim you're not a role model. That's refreshing, as the only role you're playing is one of a trashy, classless wannabe temptress trying to mask a desperate, overexposed, confused young woman. That role is not one I wish for any woman or girl or person to model in any way. Ever.

Dear Miley - The eyes-wide-open, mouths agape, frozen faces that you're seeing staring back at you are not in awe of you, but in contempt of your behavior. It's not the gyrating hips, sexual-simulating moves and latex that shock us. It's the blatant absence of dignity and self respect you so freely display. It's the stain you leave in the minds of impressionable young girls (and boys, too). 

Dear Miley - It's hard enough for children (especially girls) to stay grounded with some sort of moral code while growing up in a society that exploits sexuality at a very young age, encourages lust for material things, and breeds disrespect towards self and others, because being "cool" is much more important than having values and acting with any sort of class. You're definitely not a role model, but you are clearly the perfect puppet with no conscience to guide you, only the strings of money and fame (at all costs). 

Dear Miley - What I hope and pray is that if by some chance impressionable young teens saw your latest tryst on stage, they themselves have what you are clearly lacking, a sense of right and wrong and a strong set of guiding hands (parents or guardians) to turn the TV off and the family conversation on.

Dear Miley - You're only young once, and YOLO and all that jazz, but with that one life comes the chance to make a difference in the lives of others, to be remembered for your talent and heart versus your body and blatant self-destruction. Like it or not, you live a very public life, and while I can not imagine how exhausting and difficult that is, it's the life you willingly choose to lead each day. You worked hard to achieve all that you've achieved in twenty years, will you now spend the next twenty acting like a fool just to show us that you can? People will tune in. After all, misery loves company. Just understand the difference between tuning in to watch a class act versus another train wreck. 

Dear Miley - You succeeded in your mission to get all kinds of attention. From the Internet, to every form of social media, to the television, to radio and word of mouth, you are indeed "the talk of the town." The talk is of another self-indulgent, desperate, shock-hungry, messed up teen who uses her breasts and butt more than her brain.

Dear Miley - When the tweets die down and the news ticker stops flashing your name, you'll forever be left with your own instant replay - the one of you exploiting yourself on a very public stage in a very profane way while everyone watched with disgust and sadness NOT admiration. 

Dear Miley - Your children, should you have them, will one day watch you too and wonder if that's the way they should treat their own bodies - "just like mama." Will you tell them then like you've told everyone now that you're "not a role model?" 

Dear Miley- The future isn't as far off as you think. 

Sincerely,

Your Neglected Moral Code

I knew the day would come...

This has been a week so far... It's been one of those kind of weeks that truly test you as a mother (and even as a rational human being). Honestly, I'm frustrated, frazzled, tired, and a little guilt-ridden all rolled into one bleary-eyed, coffee-addicted, teeth-clenching thirty-something who doesn't feel so great at the whole parenting thing this week. 

I knew the time would come that I would tire of the whole "make everyday a great day" mantra (not that I still don't try, but man it's exhausting), or when my rose colored glasses would get cracked (beneath the hands of a very trying toddler). I knew the day would come that I would just sit on the couch clutching my coffee for dear life as I succumbed to the fact that I was going to have to pick up the hundred-billion trillion Lego pieces and train track parts that were now littered across my entire downstairs (and do so for the millionth time that day). I knew the day would come that I would want to give Elmo a not-so-friendly pat on the back, or insist that Thomas just listen to Sir Topham Hat for once in his ever-tooting life!! Yes, I knew the day would come, but I hoped it wouldn't. 

I wanted to be the mom who always woke up with a smile, perfected sing-a-longs while making a scrumptious but healthy breakfast, the mom who made running errands with kids look like fun, or the mom who could just look at her toddler in the middle of a nice restaurant and know that that cute little face wouldn't dream of screaming like a banshee or insisting on going outside after just sitting down. I definitely wanted to be the mom who NEVER forgot an appointment and always turned in all important paperwork on time (and not ever at the last possible minute). I wanted to be the mom who truly enjoyed every single minute with my children, watching them grow, learn and play. I would never do anything that would cause me to feel guilty or to second and triple guess myself. Each day would be different and new and wonderful... Or so I thought.

This week proved to me three primary things:

1. Eventually, the optimism fades and you become a realist. You realize not everyday will go as planned (or not planned) and you won't always be able to see the silver lining in the chewed up, spit out food adorning the kitchen table, floors and the dogs ears. That's ok. Sometimes situations just suck (especially the ones you have to clean up). Own it. Admit it. Laugh if you can (or count to ten) and move on.

2. A "look" from you at your defiant, screaming, standing-up in his chair toddler in the middle of a crowded restaurant will NOT do anything, but possibly make him laugh (at you). Be ok with admitting that you alone are not enough to tame your wild child. You're not a failure either. It just means that you've now reached the point of your parenting journey when a discipline routine comes into play. To each his or her own, but for us the "1-2-3" warming followed by a timeout is starting to show our little tyrant who's boss (hint: rhymes with llama). We are both learning that consistency is key, and empty threats do nothing but take up needless time and energy. Caden may be headstrong, but my question to my little tyke is always "hey, buddy... Where do you think you got that from?" (Silence. Big brown eyes looking up at me.) "Yep. You got it. So, I'd suggest NOT doing that again."

3. There WILL be days when you will feel guilty because you think of all the things you did or didn't do, didn't do enough of or did too much of... You will second and triple guess your parenting decisions and reactions. You will question your questions. Why did you let your kid eat a cookie (or two) before dinner? How much of that stupid tv show did your child actually happen to see? Could you have prevented that spill on the sidewalk? Did you really just feed your baby store bought baby food?!? Why is your toddler so defiant... is it something you did? The guilt will always be there. Always. Every day. Some days will be better and some much worse, but I'm learning the guilt-ridden self-doubt is a motherly gift we all share. So, with that gift, I'm going to try my best to learn from it and with it, to adjust things accordingly,and move on as best I can on a better (or at least more experienced) foot. I'm going to try hard to NOT beat myself up or start planning my children's future therapy sessions (because I let one of them cry while trying to deal with another's tantrums). With self-exploration comes growth, right? As moms, we do a lot of both. 

This week has NOT been my favorite, but it has been a great one for learning, and for that I am grateful. That being said, let me be frank by admitting that if the bin of Legos happens to disappear into oblivion... I have absolutely no idea who took them and where they went. Not a clue...

This was probably pre-Lego tantrum freak out when he was taking a moment to be "sweet"...

Most days...

Sometimes I feel a little guilty for not being able to keep up with a daily or even biweekly schedule for this blog, but then I remind myself that some days I barely have the energy to brush my teeth before bed (especially after negotiating with a certain 2-year old to brush his...). So, for anyone who may still be reading this, thanks for hanging in there with me.

Most days, I enjoy staying at home with my two little men. I don't mind the seemingly constant spills, the continuous cycle of cleaning up or even the pair of poopy diaper changing. 

Most days I can sit through an episode or two of Sesame Street and enjoy humming along. I can sit on that floor and play a seemingly endless game of car racing, or attempt to build a Lego castle (only to be trampled by an impatient toddler two seconds later). 

Most days, I'm fine being a human trampoline, milk machine, personal chef, sleep trainer, toy mechanic, pacifier retriever, professional piggyback transporter, bath giver and book reader. 

Most days, I'm OK giving 99.5% of my time and energy to two little boys (plus 2 dogs and a neglected husband), so that I can use the remaining 0.5% to drag my groggy eyed, spit-up stained self to the gym where I force myself to get through 45 minutes of exhaustion... Ahem, I mean exercise. 

Yes, most days I'm totally cool being a 24/7 go-to-mom convenience store, BUT some days and in some moments, I miss my freedom. 

I miss dressing up for work (where a dry fit tee and yoga pants were NOT part of the office dress code). I miss high heels (or even wedges) versus flip flops and sneakers. 

I miss conversing with people over 3 feet tall who speak in complete (and logical) sentences, drink coffee/tea (or something stronger) versus a sippy cup of milk. 

Dare I say it, I miss the adult world. I may even miss "work" (as in my former career, because what I do now is DEFINITELY very hard work). 

I don't miss the corporate world of invisible but obvious political lines that are not to be crossed. What I do miss is the thrill of turning a great idea into a useful reality, an issue into an opportunity, and most of all a blank page (or screen) into a one-of-a-kind piece I could sign my initials to... 

Don't get me wrong, I still use my creative side daily to come up with a fun, toddler-friendly, semi-educational activity or experience that will occupy our time (at least a few minutes anyway), but I miss using that creative side of my brain to create things beyond the playroom walls. 

So, after some soul searching this week, I've come up with a short list of goals I'd like to tackle in the remainder of the year:

1. Market my freelance writing/communications services:

I told myself I'd take the summer to just enjoy being a stay at home mom. Well, sadly the summer is coming to a close, so I'm starting up the press and getting the word out now. If you, or someone you know is looking for an experienced writer/communications professional, let me know! 

2. Begin writing and finish a children's book (or two):

This has always been an interest of mine and something I've wanted to accomplish for a long time, but as with too many things, I've put off. Now that I have daily inspiration for content, I know there is truly no time like the present. This is a gift I want to leave my children. So, I'm putting it out there for all to see...  Feel free to pester me about it. I'll need the nudge. Seriously.

3. Enjoy more time with my husband: 

This is definitely a personal versus professional goal, but it is something I don't take lightly either. Being a parent has been the greatest gift for both of us, but it has also been the most time-consuming thing we've ever done together. Even though we sit down for dinner every evening and sleep in the same bed every night, I know we aren't getting enough time to just enjoy each other, to share a meal without tiny hands reaching into our plates, or to sit in a restaurant without two highchairs and a mountain of miscellaneous crumbs under our feet. I haven't been good at setting time aside for just us, and I want to work to change that. 

So there you have it... My short list of personal goals that will hopefully yield satisfying results and keep the career woman me who shares residence with the mommy me alive and well. 

(Prayers, sideline cheers, and high-fives accepted and appreciated in advance.)